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Variety is the children’s charity, helping to create brighter futures for Kiwi kids.Visit your local The Warehouse store and support this great cause by simply adding a $2 Scratch card or $1 donation to your purchase helping Kiwi kids with a chance at a better life.
The Warehouse, partnering … View moreVariety is the children’s charity, helping to create brighter futures for Kiwi kids.Visit your local The Warehouse store and support this great cause by simply adding a $2 Scratch card or $1 donation to your purchase helping Kiwi kids with a chance at a better life.
The Warehouse, partnering with you for a better community.
There are so many ways to instantly communicate with anyone right at your fingertips. But despite this age of heightened connectivity, an increasing number of couples come to me citing device usage and social media as an issue in their relationship. Excessive device usage acts as a barrier to … View moreThere are so many ways to instantly communicate with anyone right at your fingertips. But despite this age of heightened connectivity, an increasing number of couples come to me citing device usage and social media as an issue in their relationship. Excessive device usage acts as a barrier to quality communication, which leaves partners feeling ignored or unimportant.
Many of us have experienced sharing a significant story with someone and they grab their cell phone halfway through the conversation. Attempting to share the highlights of your day with your partner but they have their nose buried in their Facebook feed? Trying to relay a story about your son but your partner is flipping through Instagram?
Well, the message seems clear – their phone is more important than you are at this moment. Over time, this can be very problematic, leading to feelings of rejection and separateness. You may even start to believe, “Why bother?”
Recent research indicates how cell phones are affecting our relationships. In a study titled “My life has become a major distraction from my cell phone,” Meredith Davis and James Roberts suggest that the overuse of cell phones can lead to greater dissatisfaction within our most important relationships. According to their study, which included 145 adults, excessive device usage decreased marital satisfaction.
An additional study by Chinese scientists assessed 243 married adults with similar outcomes. This study posits that excessive phone usage not only decreases your marital satisfaction, but it also contributes to a greater likelihood of depression. And even more concerning is that 86% of American adults constantly check their devices for social media updates, email, and text messages.
The implications are clear; our most important relationships can be dulled and diminished in favor of screen time. But you and your partner can work together to overcome excessive device usage and reconnect with face-to-face time together.
The Importance of Bids
Drs. John and Julie Gottman assert the importance of “bids” in healthy relationships. A bid is an attempt at seeking attention, affirmation, and/or affection to positively connect with your partner.
For example, at a meal together you might say, “I can’t decide between the fish and the steak” to your companion. Although the content of the statement isn’t incredibly important here, it’s a simple attempt to connect with your partner at that moment. Your partner could keep perusing their menu and ignore you, or they could accept your bid for connection and say something like, “They both sound good, but didn’t you just have steak the other night when you tried that new restaurant down the street?”
If your partner responds positively in that very small interaction, they are being mindful that you want to connect with them and are “turning toward” you. Dr. Gottman’s research suggests that successful couples turn toward each other about 86% of the time, and accepting your partner’s bids requires paying attention, which is something you can’t do if you’re using your phone.
Too much screen time may also prompt trust issues. Is your partner communicating with someone else? Are they messaging with an ex through Facebook? Social media may blur the lines of what is acceptable behavior and it could potentially lead to an emotional affair, so make sure to have a conversation with your partner about what is off limits and why.
A good rule of thumb: use real-world boundaries as a guide. If you wouldn’t have that conversation with a Facebook friend in real life with your partner by your side, it’s probably best not to do it online, either.
Spending Device-Free Time Together
You should make it a priority to spend quality time with your partner without your cell phone. But before you make any rules, you should examine your own phone habits first and discuss the issue with your partner calmly and respectfully.
James Roberts, in addition to his co-authored study above, also wrote “Too Much of a Good Thing: Are You Addicted to Your Smartphone?” He explains that “if you need to improve as well, approach your partner that this is something you need to tackle together. If you point the finger at your partner without taking responsibility for your own behavior, it won’t go over well.” Like Dr. John Gottman suggests, it is always best to express how you feel and what you need by using a soft start-up.
Once you and your partner have that discussion, try taking 30 minutes together, face-to-face, as a trial run without phones. Notice how different your interaction and conversation feels when you can see each other’s facial expressions and make eye contact, which will give you an indication of how much more connected the two of you may be when spending time device-free. Express how you feel after those 30 minutes, and try to build that routine into your daily life with your partner.
Outside of 30 minutes of daily device-free time, silencing your phone during dinner, or even leaving it in another room, is a good habit to get into so you can focus on the meal and on your partner and/or family. You can make an agreement with your partner on when and where smartphones will be allowed or not, and there are apps that you can use to monitor how much time you’re spending on the phone, especially if you’d like to cut back on device usage overall.
Despite these suggestions, some of my clients will say, “But I have to be plugged in for work.” The importance of staying connected to your job is understandable, especially that more and more employers expect their employees to be accessible outside of work, but you can set boundaries for work-related phone use, too. You could try using a “do not disturb” feature on your phone to silence alerts and phone calls, but you can also allow certain contacts (like your boss) to get through in case there’s an urgent issue that needs your attention.
Whether you use your phone for work or leisure, it’s important to make an effort to spend more time face-to-face with your partner. All it takes is to be present, look your partner in the eyes, and have a real conversation. Once you feel more connected to them, you’ll know that it’s worth the effort.
fundraising dinner to help Kerala (India) flood victims on Saturday Aug 25th (tomorrow) 5pm to 6:30pm Hosted by Aro Creative. Delicious south indian banquet prepared by Martin Wilson and Vishakh. Minimum donation $10 (Pay at event). For details (especially venue) contact Martin on 021641998 or … View morefundraising dinner to help Kerala (India) flood victims on Saturday Aug 25th (tomorrow) 5pm to 6:30pm Hosted by Aro Creative. Delicious south indian banquet prepared by Martin Wilson and Vishakh. Minimum donation $10 (Pay at event). For details (especially venue) contact Martin on 021641998 or email martin@capitalproductions.co.nz
Would anyone like this bush before it goes. Only catch is you will need to dig it out yourself.
We’ve been listening and we want to hear about your experience on our new bus network. We’re going to have some Metlink Live evenings on our Facebook page, where we get our team into a room and answer your questions and hear your experiences.
Kilbirnie, you are up first on Tuesday 28 … View moreWe’ve been listening and we want to hear about your experience on our new bus network. We’re going to have some Metlink Live evenings on our Facebook page, where we get our team into a room and answer your questions and hear your experiences.
Kilbirnie, you are up first on Tuesday 28 August at 7:30-8pm, and Karori you will be next on Monday 3 September at 7:30-8pm.
Visit our website metlink.org.nz/metlinklive to learn more about these sessions!
The Hutt Valley-Wellington Whaitua Committee will work towards a vision to improve quality of water in our rivers, streams and in the Wellington Harbour. Be part of the vision to make that change.
For more information and online application form, visit:
www.gw.govt.nz...
If you have … View moreThe Hutt Valley-Wellington Whaitua Committee will work towards a vision to improve quality of water in our rivers, streams and in the Wellington Harbour. Be part of the vision to make that change.
For more information and online application form, visit:
www.gw.govt.nz...
If you have questions, email us at whaitua@gw.govt.nz
Hi Neighbours,
Can you taste a difference between budget and premium milk? There are few things that divide the public as much as the budget versus branded milk debate.
In Stuff's new 'Milking It' investigation, we look at the difference between branded milks, the … View moreHi Neighbours,
Can you taste a difference between budget and premium milk? There are few things that divide the public as much as the budget versus branded milk debate.
In Stuff's new 'Milking It' investigation, we look at the difference between branded milks, the current milk prices in New Zealand, as well as the comeback of glass milk bottles.
So, what are your thoughts on our country's milk? Take part in our poll, and feel free to share your thoughts in the replies!
Spring is the time new lambs are born, the leaves return to our deciduous trees and a time we think of new life.
Eric Carle's book 'The Very Hungry Caterpillar' is an awesome book to share with young children and introduce the topic of new life.
Win 1 of 10 Stuff Pix vouchers to watch Avengers: Infinity War, simply by liking this post! Watch a dizzying array of Marvel cinematic universe heroes in the fight against their gravest threat yet, the result is thrilling.
You can rent Avengers: Infinity War on Stuff Pix today
Just because it's cold outside, doesn't mean you have to stay blue! Your local Resene store is offering TWO Resene Cardholder offers for a limited time only.
1) Buy one Resene 60-80ml testpot, get one FREE.
2) And, get 25% off the normal price of Resene premium paints, sealers, … View moreJust because it's cold outside, doesn't mean you have to stay blue! Your local Resene store is offering TWO Resene Cardholder offers for a limited time only.
1) Buy one Resene 60-80ml testpot, get one FREE.
2) And, get 25% off the normal price of Resene premium paints, sealers, primers and wood stains 10L.
If you don’t have a Resene DIY card, sign up for your free card at your local Resene ColorShop or on the right here.
_____________
These paint offers are available until 10 September 2018. www.resene.co.nz/promo Find out more.
I was in Petone Bunnings yesterday and noticed a couple of large boxes filled with plastic bags containing clean rags.
Printed in large lettering on each bag was something like:
Buying these rags will help Australian charities.
I was incredulous. Bunnings are importing their rags from Australia … View moreI was in Petone Bunnings yesterday and noticed a couple of large boxes filled with plastic bags containing clean rags.
Printed in large lettering on each bag was something like:
Buying these rags will help Australian charities.
I was incredulous. Bunnings are importing their rags from Australia selling them to New Zealanders and donating NZ money to help Australian charities!
Anyone else think this seems wrong?
You still have time to have your say on how you elect your councillors and how you’re represented at ward and community level.
Submissions on Council’s draft proposal on representation close on 3 September, 2018.
For more information, go to the link below.
This ground-breaking screening programme has been running for 10 months in the Hutt Valley. If you have been part of it, or had an early cancer detected we'd love to hear from you. Call our reporter Thomas Manch on 027 406 3671
Want to burn calories with fun
Join zumba classes
Address : Randwick school hall every Tuesday's 7:15pm - 8:15pm
And
Every Monday and Wednesday in
Petone community hall near Jackson Street 10:30am -11:30am
Trust me you will get 💯 %workout for 1hr nonstop
Join the party don't … View moreWant to burn calories with fun
Join zumba classes
Address : Randwick school hall every Tuesday's 7:15pm - 8:15pm
And
Every Monday and Wednesday in
Petone community hall near Jackson Street 10:30am -11:30am
Trust me you will get 💯 %workout for 1hr nonstop
Join the party don't miss it
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