1636 days ago

Saturday's Funny: 😉🤢Do you fart in bed?🤢😉

Fiona from Henderson

This is a story about a couple who had been happily married for years, the only friction in their marriage was the husband’s habit of farting loudly every morning when he awoke, the noise would wake his wife and the smell would make her eyes water and make her gasp for air.

Every morning she would plead with him to stop ripping them off because it was making her sick.

He told her he couldn't stop it and that it was perfectly natural.

She told him to see a doctor; she was concerned that one day he would blow his guts out.

The years went by and he continued to rip them out.

Then one Christmas day morning, as she was preparing the turkey for dinner and he was upstairs sound asleep, she looked at the innards, neck, gizzard, liver and all the spare parts, and a malicious thought came to her.

She took the bowl and went upstairs where her husband was sound asleep and, gently pulling the bed covers back, she pulled back the elastic waistband of his underpants and emptied the bowl of turkey guts into his shorts.

Sometime later she heard her husband waken with his usual trumpeting which was followed by a blood curdling scream and the sound of frantic footsteps as he ran into the bath room.

The wife could hardly control herself as she rolled on the floor laughing, tears in her eyes! After years of torture she reckoned she had got him back pretty good.

About twenty minutes later, her husband came downstairs in his blood stained underpants with a look of horror on his face.

She bit her lip as she asked him what the matter was.

He said, “Honey you were right, all these years you have warned me and I didn't listen to you.

“What do you mean?” asked his wife.

“Well, you always told me that one day I would end up farting my guts out, and today it finally happened, but by the grace of god, some Vaseline and two fingers. I think I got most of them back in…..”
😄🤣😄🤣😄

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More messages from your neighbours
1 day ago

Don't overthink this riddle...

The Neighboury Riddler

I have a silver sole
but no feet,
I make my living by bringing the heat.
What am I?

Do you think you know the answer? Simply 'Like' this post if you know the answer and the big reveal will be posted in the comments at 2pm on the day!

Want to stop seeing these in your newsfeed?
Head here and hover on the Following button on the top right of the page (and it will show Unfollow) and then click it. If it is giving you the option to Follow, then you've successfully unfollowed the Riddles page.

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1 day ago

Poll: Should we ditch daylight saving? 🕰️

The Team from Neighbourly.co.nz

First introduced in New Zealand in 1927 with the passing of the Summer Time Act, it's what we know as 'Daylight Saving' and this year it ends on the first Sunday in April.

While we do get to sleep in this time around, some people would like to scrap the clock tinkering for good.

And why? Some evidence suggests the time changes are bad for our health as they mess with sleep patterns leading to short-term fatigue and affecting mood. Meanwhile the hour change is frustrating for farmers and a nightmare for getting the littlies to sleep. But what's your take?

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Should we ditch daylight saving? 🕰️
  • 40.6% Yes - get rid of the clock changes
    40.6% Complete
  • 57.5% No, I enjoy it
    57.5% Complete
  • 1.8% Other - I'll share below
    1.8% Complete
1149 votes
3 days ago

Sunday Market at St Johns – Come Say Hi!

Sj Markets

Hi Neighbours !!!!
If you’re looking for an easy, feel-good way to start your Sunday, pop down to the St Johns Market it’s on every week and always worth a visit

Expect plenty to enjoy:
Delicious Food and Drink
Seasonal fruit & veg from local growers
Handmade goodies & crafts
Clothes, toys

It’s a laid-back, welcoming spot to catch up with neighbours, support local, and soak up the community vibe.

Stay connected & get updates:
Facebook
info.sjmarket@gmail.com
0274 671 446

Bring the kids, bring the dog, or just bring yourself and make a morning of it hope to see you there!
7 Allison Ferguson Drive, Auckland Netball Courts
Find out more

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