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Recent studies have shown that forgiveness is an essential component of successful romantic relationships. In fact, the capacity to seek and grant forgiveness is one of the most significant factors contributing to marital satisfaction and a lifetime of love.
Forgiving yourself and others are … View moreRecent studies have shown that forgiveness is an essential component of successful romantic relationships. In fact, the capacity to seek and grant forgiveness is one of the most significant factors contributing to marital satisfaction and a lifetime of love.
Forgiving yourself and others are about being willing to acknowledge that you are capable of being wounded. It also means that you are willing to step out from the role of victim and take charge of your life.
Couples who practice forgiveness can rid themselves of the toxic hurt and shame that holds them back from feeling connected to each other. In The Science of Trust, Dr John Gottman explains that emotional attunement is a skill that allows couples to fully process and move on from negative emotional events, and ultimately create a stronger bond.
Why is Forgiveness Important?
Often people equate forgiveness with weakness, and it is widely believed that if you forgive someone, you’re condoning or excusing their behaviour. However, in relationships, forgiveness is a strength because it shows you are capable of goodwill toward your partner. Studies indicate that forgiving someone is one way of letting go so that you can heal and move on with your life.
Forgiveness is about giving yourself, your children, and your partner the kind of future you and they deserve – unhampered by hurt and anger. It is about choosing to live a life wherein others don’t have power over you and you’re not dominated by unresolved bitterness and resentment.
It’s important to consider that forgiveness is a gift you give yourself. Author Deborah Moskovitch reiterates that forgiveness is not letting someone off the hook. She writes, “Forgiveness is not the same as forgetting what happened or condoning your ex-spouse’s actions, giving up claims to a fair settlement or reconciliation. While forgiveness may help others, it first and foremost can help you.”
Here are seven ways forgiveness can transform your relationship.
1. Write down three ways negative emotions have impacted (or are still impacting) your relationship.
Be aware of negative emotions that you have not yet processed. Talking to a close friend or therapist can help facilitate this.
2. Find a way to dislodge yourself from negative emotions.
Examples include therapy, yoga, improving your physical health, and practising expressing thoughts, feelings, and wishes in a respectful way. Resentment can build when people sweep things under the rug, so avoid burying negative feelings.
3. Take small steps to repair and let go of grudges.
According to Dr Gottman, the number one thing that prevents couples from building trust and emotional attunement is the inability to bounce back from a conflict in a healthy way. The number one solution to this problem is to get really good at repair. He tells Business Insider that you’ve got to get back on track after a disagreement if you don’t want issues to fester.
4. Accept responsibility for your part in the interaction.
One person’s ability to do this can change the dynamic of the relationship. Drs. Julie and John Gottman explain that “one person’s response will literally change the brain waves of the other person.” Apologize to your partner when appropriate. This will validate their feelings, promote forgiveness, and allow you both to move on.
5. Don’t let wounds fester.
Challenge your beliefs and self-defeating thoughts about holding on to hurt feelings. Processing what happened will allow you to let resentments go so you can move on to a healthier relationship. Keep the big picture in mind.
6. Accept that people do the best they can.
This does not mean that you condone the hurtful actions of others. You simply come to a more realistic view of your past. As you take stock, you will realize that all people operate out of the same basic drives, including self-interest.
7. Think like a forgiving person.
Practice forgiveness by actively thinking like a forgiving person. Avoid holding grudges and declare you are free to stop playing the role of victim. After all, we are all imperfect and deserve compassion.
Petone Beach Clean Up Crew organiser Lorraine Shaab was shocked to find thousands of nurdles - a raw plastic material - scattered around the property of IML Plastics in Seaview.
Read the full story here.
Image: Stuff
Tracks and trails come in all forms – for bikes, walking, riding, running – from easy to hard and everything in between. Layer up, put on a windproof layer and head on out to warm yourself up on a regional park trail. Let us know what we can do to improve trails or even make some new ones. … View moreTracks and trails come in all forms – for bikes, walking, riding, running – from easy to hard and everything in between. Layer up, put on a windproof layer and head on out to warm yourself up on a regional park trail. Let us know what we can do to improve trails or even make some new ones. Have your say at… www.surveymonkey.com...
Enrolments for Trimester 2 are now open at WelTec. We offer fees free on a wide range of programmes starting in July, including; automotive, beauty therapy, business, construction, creative, engineering, hairdressing, hospitality, information technology, makeup artistry, social services, tourism … View moreEnrolments for Trimester 2 are now open at WelTec. We offer fees free on a wide range of programmes starting in July, including; automotive, beauty therapy, business, construction, creative, engineering, hairdressing, hospitality, information technology, makeup artistry, social services, tourism and more.
Get in touch to find out more about your options. Our advisors are available on 0800 935 832 or info@weltec.ac.nz.
Fancy a unique day out? Get along to Sustainability Trust’s Make a Difference Market, showcasing local businesses, all with a Fairtrade, ethical, natural, recycled, reusable or community twist!
Food, homeware, books, skincare, clothing, reusable bags, fabric, warm, energy-efficient homes, and … View moreFancy a unique day out? Get along to Sustainability Trust’s Make a Difference Market, showcasing local businesses, all with a Fairtrade, ethical, natural, recycled, reusable or community twist!
Food, homeware, books, skincare, clothing, reusable bags, fabric, warm, energy-efficient homes, and much more.
Come and get set for winter, plastic-free July and Fairtrade fortnight. This event is plastic bag free so come prepared!
Where: Sustainability Trust’s EcoCentre, 2 Forresters Lane, Wellington
When: 10 am – 2pm, Saturday June 30
Full details: www.facebook.com/events/2077426902523899/
Prime Minister Jacinda Ardern and her partner Clarke Gayford have welcomed a baby girl. To read more, click here.
Does it make sense to buy teenagers bigger beds so they have more room to grow? Or, like writer and mum Jayne D'Arcy, do you think a double could equal trouble later on?
After debate around whether Matariki should become a public holiday, ACT leader David Seymour said he was "open" to public holidays being scrapped in New Zealand - well, all but Anzac and Waitangi.
He says people should be able to make their own holiday arrangements, rather than the … View moreAfter debate around whether Matariki should become a public holiday, ACT leader David Seymour said he was "open" to public holidays being scrapped in New Zealand - well, all but Anzac and Waitangi.
He says people should be able to make their own holiday arrangements, rather than the Government telling us when to take the day off.
We want to know your thoughts. Should people be able to make their own holiday arrangements? Or should we leave our holidays as is?
Here's a photo from the 1957 opening of the Town Hall. Be part of history and come along to the opening of the refurbished Town Hall and new Lower Hutt Events Centre in Laings Road on Saturday 14 July.
Lower Hutt Mayor Ray Wallace will officially open the facility at 10.15am. Local … View moreHere's a photo from the 1957 opening of the Town Hall. Be part of history and come along to the opening of the refurbished Town Hall and new Lower Hutt Events Centre in Laings Road on Saturday 14 July.
Lower Hutt Mayor Ray Wallace will officially open the facility at 10.15am. Local performers and groups will take to the stage of the new Events Centre from 10.45am until 2pm. See you there!
Photo credit: Lower Hutt Town Hall. Photographic negatives and prints of the Evening Post newspaper. Ref: EP/1957/0440a-F. Alexander Turnbull Library, Wellington, New Zealand. /records/22315051
We’re all about making Wellington one of the most resilient cities in the world. You can play your part too - from getting to know your neighbours and making sure your emergency tool kit is up to date, to getting stocked up on Wellington Chocolate Factory’s special-edition Stevey Templar … View moreWe’re all about making Wellington one of the most resilient cities in the world. You can play your part too - from getting to know your neighbours and making sure your emergency tool kit is up to date, to getting stocked up on Wellington Chocolate Factory’s special-edition Stevey Templar designed salted caramel chocolate bars…
Wait, what?!
Yes, you did read that right!
Head over to discover how Nikau Foundation is making resilience even sweeter and get involved! #GiveWhereYouLive
Our dedicated Fire and Emergency volunteers help keep our communities safe.
So this National Volunteer Week, why not say a big thank you? Here’s how: head to our #LetsHearIt page on Neighbourly and let them know why you’re thankful for what they do.
Our Fire and Emergency New Zealand … View moreOur dedicated Fire and Emergency volunteers help keep our communities safe.
So this National Volunteer Week, why not say a big thank you? Here’s how: head to our #LetsHearIt page on Neighbourly and let them know why you’re thankful for what they do.
Our Fire and Emergency New Zealand volunteers are always standing by to help out when they’re needed. Thank you for letting them know how grateful you are for everything they do to keep us all safe.
Lots of various sized quality clothing and shoes in good condition. Also 3 mountain bikes, a rowing machine, printer and good quality mens' watches. Will be on rain or shine.
Help the Upper Hutt Animal Rescue Society raise funds by buying a 2018 | 2019 Entertainment Membership and for a limited time, you’ll receive 2x BONUS EVENT Cinemas eVouchers in time for the school holidays! Hurry, stocks are sure to run out.
www.entertainmentbook.co.nz...
Enter promotional … View moreHelp the Upper Hutt Animal Rescue Society raise funds by buying a 2018 | 2019 Entertainment Membership and for a limited time, you’ll receive 2x BONUS EVENT Cinemas eVouchers in time for the school holidays! Hurry, stocks are sure to run out.
www.entertainmentbook.co.nz...
Enter promotional code ‘EVENTGIFT’ at checkout and you will receive your eVouchers via your email inbox within 48 business hours.
Can your home connect natural gas for FREE?
Head to The Gas Hub to find out and be in to WIN a central heating package.
This could be the start of a whole new level of comfort for your home.
Nature is one huge recycling mechanism, and the ‘NaturalFlow System’ works with ‘Nature’ by harnessing these forces, that have been quietly working together for thousands of years to break down and decompose waste all around us.
Positioning them in an enclosed eco-system that simulates … View moreNature is one huge recycling mechanism, and the ‘NaturalFlow System’ works with ‘Nature’ by harnessing these forces, that have been quietly working together for thousands of years to break down and decompose waste all around us.
Positioning them in an enclosed eco-system that simulates the forest floor, to treat and break down your wastewater until it is perfectly safe to be re-introduced into the environment, via the soil, and of course – ‘Nature’ does all this, for you, for FREE!
Waterflow NZ Ltd has professional Installers that cover every region of New Zealand, contact us to find out the closest one to you.
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