The 1 to 9 Couples Sex Scale
A lot of couples are uncomfortable talking about how to initiate and refuse sex.
It's also difficult to cope with being turned down.
The key to making “yes” and “no” feel less loaded is to have an agreed-upon ritual in your relationship for navigating sex.
Noted sex therapist Lonnie Barbach suggests that couples use a scale from 1 to 9 to indicate how amorous each of them is feeling, with 1 meaning “Not at all,” 5 meaning “I’m convince-able,” and 9 meaning “Let’s do it!”
So, if your partner initiates and you’re not in the mood, you can say, “I love you, and right now I’m a 1.” If you’re not sure, you could say, “Right now I’m a 5. Let’s kiss and see where it goes.”
The more you can hear, understand, and respect your partner’s “no” about any marital issue, the more “yes” there will be in your relationship.
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