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One of our reporters is working on a story on how we use our libraries. Statistics show number of items being issued are declining, but do you still go to the library for other reasons (e.g. to use computers)? Or do you not go at all? Feel free to answer our poll and comment below on … View moreHi everyone,
One of our reporters is working on a story on how we use our libraries. Statistics show number of items being issued are declining, but do you still go to the library for other reasons (e.g. to use computers)? Or do you not go at all? Feel free to answer our poll and comment below on your library habits. What's the best part of going to the library if you visit regularly? Comments may be used in print and online unless stated otherwise with NFP.
We’d like to take a look at the core of new relationships: the deep bond a couple builds through intimate interaction, in particular through their daily conversations. In this post, we will explain how to apply Dr Gottman’s skills for sharing compassion and empathy with your partner.
Note: … View moreWe’d like to take a look at the core of new relationships: the deep bond a couple builds through intimate interaction, in particular through their daily conversations. In this post, we will explain how to apply Dr Gottman’s skills for sharing compassion and empathy with your partner.
Note: While the ideas we share are theoretically pretty straightforward, they can be difficult to put into practice. If you find implementing them to be a challenge, don’t get discouraged! Remember Dr Gottman’s advice: No opinions or problem solving until you’ve gone through the four steps of attunement.
Also, remember that immediate advice may come off as glib and insulting to your partner. They may think to themselves, “Does this person think I’m so dumb I can’t come up with my own solution?” This probably rings a few bells – bells of annoyance and maybe even indignation.
Below, you’ll find an illustration of two possible conversations between Cheyenne and Will, a young couple walking home from a dinner with their mutual friend, Abby.
The first example is a failed attempt at expressing compassion and empathy in a bid for intimate conversation:
Cheyenne: I couldn’t believe how Abby reacted when I brought up what happened at the party. What a crude attempt at changing the subject! Who does she think she is? Just shutting me down like that…
Will: You know Abby just doesn’t like crowds. Next time, you shouldn’t bring it up, it makes everything so awkward.
Cheyenne: You’re such a pushover, why can’t you stand up for me? You thought she was acting weird the other night, I don’t see why I can’t talk to her about it.
Will: Come on, we’ve been through this before. Let’s go get some coffee or something. On the way, I can show you that art gallery I thought you’d like.
Cheyenne: No, whatever. It’s fine, let’s just go home.
In this scenario, Will reacts without considering Cheyenne’s need for support from him when she is upset. He immediately rushes to offer an explanation, even defending the person his girlfriend feels attacked by. He refuses to engage with her on an emotional level and attempts to distract her instead. She is left feeling disappointed and even more frustrated than before. She expected his empathy, and instead received advice she didn’t ask for and criticism she certainly didn’t expect to hear. Here is a way that Will could apply Dr. Gottman’s skills for an intimate conversation to the same scenario, increasing his and Cheyenne’s attunement and trust in each other:
Cheyenne: I couldn’t believe how Abby reacted when I brought up what happened at the party. What a crude attempt at changing the subject! Who does she think she is? Just shutting me down like that…
Will: I’m sorry, I understand how that would make you upset. I know you wanted to help, but she never wants to go there.
Cheyenne: I like Abby… It’s just so frustrating that I have to walk on eggshells around her. It’s exhausting.
Will: That makes sense. I hate it when I have to censor myself in social situations. I just want to relax, too.
Cheyenne: Yeah. You know what? Let’s go see that gallery you’ve been talking about, the one you said I’d like…
Try these techniques in your own relationship, and the results may surprise you! By engaging in supportive, intimate conversations with your partner, you can build trust – the most important ingredient in a healthy, happy relationship – and be closer than ever!
Hi Uber drivers out there.
Can you please PM me as I would like to ask some questions about being an Uber driver and how good/bad it is
Thanks for your time
Is there any welder who can come and do small job, fixing up iron clothes line? Please message me.
Happy World Sleep Day neighbours! Or is it? At Patney we believe a good night’s sleep is key to finding the energy to live your life to the fullest, so on World Sleep Day we're here to talk about snoring!
Anyone can be affected by snoring, at any time in their lives. Patney’s founder … View moreHappy World Sleep Day neighbours! Or is it? At Patney we believe a good night’s sleep is key to finding the energy to live your life to the fullest, so on World Sleep Day we're here to talk about snoring!
Anyone can be affected by snoring, at any time in their lives. Patney’s founder Frances Anderson has experienced first-hand the impact snoring can have on your energy levels, confidence and happiness.
Frances spent years searching for an effective way to control her snoring, to no avail. Fed up and exhausted, Frances set out on a journey to create her own solution. The Patney sleep positioner is the result of an intensive research, development and testing process.
Frances sought independent validation of the Patney sleep positioner through the University of Otago. The independent study proved the Patney sleep positioner is an effective way to control snoring.
No one should have to put up with snoring. Take a look at Patney and experience the benefits a good night’s sleep can bring. We offer a 30-day money back guarantee, so on World Sleep Day you can celebrate having had a great night's sleep!
It seems that those Upper Hutt identities who opposed TPPA so much that they declared illegitimately and stupidly that Upper Hutt was divorced from the trade agreement, are now not crying foul with the agreement being promoted and accepted by a Labour-led Govt as opposed to a National-led Govt.… View moreIt seems that those Upper Hutt identities who opposed TPPA so much that they declared illegitimately and stupidly that Upper Hutt was divorced from the trade agreement, are now not crying foul with the agreement being promoted and accepted by a Labour-led Govt as opposed to a National-led Govt.
The : new trade agreement (CPTPPA) is so much inferior to the previous one as the biggest economy of all - the USA - is missing thanks to that moron Trump, but otherwise almost all the components of the TPPA have been retained for the 11 nations involved.
It will still bring billions of dollars into NZ hands so we should now find out how the likes of UH Councillors John Gwilliam, Mary Armour, Paul Lambert, Glen McArthur, Angela McLeod, Helen Swales and David Wheeler, and Ashley Peryer and Tracy Ultra can live with it now that it is Labour Party/Govt-led.
NEXT WEEK communities across the country will be taking time out to get to know their neighbours as part of the ninth Neighbours Day Aotearoa. What are your plans for the weekend? Have you planned your own event? Make sure you register your event at neighboursdayaotearoa.org
Not sure? Ask us. Kāore i te mārama? Pātai mai. Next week (19 - 25 March) CABs around the country will be raising awareness about employment rights and responsibilities. There’s lots of great information to help you know your employment rights on our website, www.cab.org.nz, but sometimes it … View moreNot sure? Ask us. Kāore i te mārama? Pātai mai. Next week (19 - 25 March) CABs around the country will be raising awareness about employment rights and responsibilities. There’s lots of great information to help you know your employment rights on our website, www.cab.org.nz, but sometimes it helps to talk about your issue with someone. You can visit a CAB in your neighbourhood, or call 0800 367 222 (0800 FOR CAB), and we can help you work through your options.
Find out if you can connect to natural gas for FREE here and you could also be in to WIN a Natural Gas Hot Water package worth over $3,500!
This could be a whole new level of comfort for your home.
0800 GAS HUB
Show your community a little love and WIN great prizes. For the third year running, The Warehouse and Neighbourly are challenging neighbours to get more involved in their neighbourhood by creating a Great Community Clean Up event.
All you have to do is grab your flatties, your neighbours or the… View moreShow your community a little love and WIN great prizes. For the third year running, The Warehouse and Neighbourly are challenging neighbours to get more involved in their neighbourhood by creating a Great Community Clean Up event.
All you have to do is grab your flatties, your neighbours or the family to clean up a local spot near you. Or be a real community champion and do it on your own. Show your neighbourhood how much you love its parks/streets/beaches by taking part in the Great Community Clean Up between 16 and 22 April 2018. Register your event now and be in to WIN!
Selling on behalf of
Samsung S8, comes with case and charger and box. Has a small crack in the bottom right hand corner but doesn't effect the phone.Advertised elsewhere
For a very limited time, spend $100 and grab 10% off on all the TAKE AWAY OR DINE IN meals#aromaindiasilverstream.com...
Metlink is all about connecting you with life. In the coming months, we’ll be improving our public transport network so that everyone is able to connect to what’s great in our region! Go to metlink.org.nz/OnOurWay for more information and sign up for updates.
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