Stop Trying to Fix Your Partner’s Feelings
Empathy is the willingness to feel with your partner. To understand their inner world.
This critical skill is part of Dr. Gottman’s State of the Union Meeting and is key to reaching resolution in conflict conversations. During conflict is also when empathy is most difficult. To empathize with your partner when their hurt feelings are a result of something you said or did without defending yourself requires skill and practice.
Couples that have mastered empathy tell me “it’s like a light switch has been turned on in their relationship” and their cycles of conflict drastically change. This is because partners stop defending their positions and instead seek to understand each other. They become a team against the conflict.
Stop trying to fix your partner
Empathy is easy when our partner is happy. It’s more difficult to empathize when our partner is hurting, angry, or sad. As Marshall Rosenberg says in Nonviolent Communication, “It may be difficult to empathize with those who are closest to us.” Since we care about them, we try to help minimize their feelings because we know that they are difficult, but sympathizing can be damaging despite positive intentions.
Empathy is putting yourself in the shoes of the person you love. Sympathy is feeling compassion, sorrow, or pity without experiencing their feelings with them. Brené Brown’s description of sympathy as trying to paint a silver-lining around pain is a very common response.
“Well, it could be worse…”
“I think you should…”
“This could turn into a positive experience for you if you just…”
The problem with this kind of response is that it invalidates the other person. I know when others have tried to “fix” my feelings, I’ve ended up resenting them because it made me feel foolish for feeling that way in the first place.
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Poll: Should the government levy industries that contribute to financial hardship?
As reported in the Post, there’s a $30 million funding gap in financial mentoring. This has led to services closing and mentors stepping in unpaid just to keep helping people in need 🪙💰🪙
One proposed solution? Small levies on industries that profit from financial hardship — like banks, casinos, and similar companies.
So we want to hear what you think:
Should the government ask these industries to contribute?
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59.9% Yes, supporting people is important!
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25.7% No, individuals should take responsibility
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14.4% ... It is complicated
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Documenting the RiverLink Project around Melling, Pharazyn St and Marsden St
Kia Ora, Neighbours. For the last couple of years I've been documenting with my camera the changes in my area around the extensive work going on with the RiverLink project (Melling Interchange/New Melling Bridge/New Melling Railway Station/ Melling Station walk bridge / Clearance of Pharazyn St and Marsden St and Stop bank work).
I pass no judgements on the work. My photos simply record what's happening.
Early blog posts are photo essays of the the demolition of Pharazyn St and Marsden St residential and industrial properties. Later photos are the more up to date records happening right now.
I'd welcome your feedback, especially with better information about what's happening, as there seems to be a number of sites specialising in their own work but not a comprehensive coordinated site with details and links.
Here's the link. Enjoy. www.riverlinkphotos.blogspot.com...
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