2238 days ago

11 phrases that will make you more successful in any relationship

Baptist from Avondale

The importance of communication

What you say at work is almost as important as what you do at work. Learn the phrases that will help you sound smarter, more respectful, and ultimately help you succeed at the office.

Cancel meetings with tact

You have to cancel a meeting and come up with a reason—or tell the actual reason. Excuses already sound, well, excuse-y, so to validate your behaviour it’s important to choose the right words. Gary Burnison, author of Lose the Resume, Land the Job, reported for CNBC that standard Stanford business practices include being honest whenever possible, and avoiding typical excuses such as “current meeting running late” and “got a fire to put out.” Instead, validate the significance of the missed appointment by saying “I understand how important this is…” or “I’m really sorry but I have to reschedule.” Then quickly move towards potential dates and times when you can make this happen. Setting an example is one of the best ways to build trust with your work colleagues.

Ask the question

Challenge your assumptions about others by asking a question instead of responding with a statement; this can be a powerful argument avoidance strategy in the workplace, according to Mack Shwab, an executive director at the Dale Carnegie Institute. He recommends getting in the mindset to be a more curious person by asking “Why do you think that?” to gain more information about a person’s stance instead of jumping to conclusions. Want to go even further in your career?

Make them think your solution is their idea

In every classic persuasion training, the “winner” has succeeded by making the other person think their solution was the other person’s own idea. Shwab says it’s no different now. To accomplish this, use more questioning strategies to get them to consider multiple points of view such as: “What would be the benefit if we go that way?” and “What would be the benefit to you if that happens?”

“Emphatically” admitting you’re wrong

We’ve all heard the deep significance of apologizing when you are wrong in a relationship. But the Carnegie institute specifically teaches doing so “emphatically.” For example, instead of just saying “I’m sorry,” elaborate a bit to ensure the other party really feels your emotion. You could say, “Hey, I’m really wrong about that and I’m really sorry.” The emphatic nature of this style of apology diffuses the other person more quickly and also creates a culture where it’s safe to admit mistakes. It’s also a best practice to outwardly say you forgive someone, instead of leaving them to wonder where they stand. It’s also key to not sabotage your own apology.

Avoid the “and/or/but” to demonstrate respect

After pursuing the other person’s viewpoint, it’s imperative to avoid the words “and,” “or,” and “but” to ensure the colleague or boss has felt thoroughly heard. Instead, replace these debate-oriented words with a pause and a breath, then say, “that’s an interesting idea. It triggered a thought in my head,” Shwab recommends. His strategy of separating your colleague’s suggestion from your presentation of your own idea demonstrates respect for them.

Kill them with kindness

We all have that colleague, but we don’t have to be that colleague. Using extreme friendliness with the toughest cookie in your department may not change their generally terrible demeanour towards the world, but you may be the person who, as Shwab calls it, “begins in a friendly way.” He compares it to how a dog acts when they can’t wait to see you, complete with the wagging tail. “You will be shocked by the way they change.” Simply starting with “How are you?” and caring can make a difference. You can even attempt small, intentional acts of kindness in your workplace to improve these relationships.

Acknowledge unsolicited advice

A suggestion is defined as an “idea or plan put forward for consideration.” When you receive unsolicited advice at work, responding with “thanks for the suggestion,” will preserve your integrity when you are annoyed and can simultaneously shut down the advice-giver while making them feel somewhat appreciated (maybe both). After all, their idea is out there for your consideration, not your immediate acceptance, right where advice belongs.

Getting to yes

Sometimes negative colleagues or bosses are simply in a sour mental place and used to saying no. You have the power to get them in a “yes” frame of mind before pitching an idea or requesting something through a series of questions about basic facts, Shwab says. He shares an example of trying to sell a widget in a proposal in which others are already against it. Asking a series of yes or no questions to present the positives will lead to more “yes’s.” “For example, you could ask ‘Do you think it will help our customer base?’ ‘Yes.’ ‘Do you think the new widget would make us more profitable?’ ‘Yes,’” he said. Then you move into the potential problematic areas discussion with this yes mindset prepared.

A compliment plus a reason

We’ve all given and received meaningless compliments. “That’s amazing.” “Great job.” While they are appreciated, it’s so much more meaningful to demonstrate evidence for the compliment with specifics. To make it sound sincere, Shwab says, “You have to substantiate it with evidence…if you don’t give an example it loses all its teeth.” Being authentic is one of the best ways to give a meaningful compliment.

Repeat it back

Listening and relationship experts encourage reciting back someone’s words, in your own words, to ensure you have understood and to communicate that understanding back to the speaker. This can start simply with “What I hear you saying…” or “What I think you are saying…” and then discrepancies can be corrected from there before proceeding onto the real work. According to the Harvard Business Review, people only ever retain half of what you said, so this can ensure you remember at least that much.

Accept compliments graciously

A thank you with a period is more sincere than a “thank you so much” or an “I really appreciate it.” It’s the classiest way to receive a compliment, without any elaboration, self-deprecation (“Thanks. I didn’t work that long on the presentation.”) It demonstrates confidence and appreciation without cockiness or insecurity.

More messages from your neighbours

9 days ago

Poll: 🗑️ Would you be keen to switch to a fortnightly rubbish collection, or do you prefer things as they are?

The Team from Neighbourly.co.nz

Aucklanders, our weekly rubbish collections are staying after councillors voted to scrap a proposed trial of fortnightly pick-ups.

We want to hear from you: would you be keen to switch to a fortnightly rubbish collection, or do you prefer things as they are?

Keen for the details? Read up about the scrapped collection trial here.

🗑️ Would you be keen to switch to a fortnightly rubbish collection, or do you prefer things as they are?

83.1% Same!

83.1% Complete
16.9% Would have liked to try something different

16.9% Complete

402 votes

1 hour ago

Why we need cash to stick around----Cash is king – Using notes and coins to pay for everyday goods and services is quickly becoming obsolete. When will cash disappear from our lives? And who'll miss out when it does?

Brian from Mount Roskill

Every March, the New Zealand Red Cross sends out teams of street volunteers across the country. With their white buckets and red vests, they're instantly recognisable. The idea, says philanthropy director Jasmine Edwards, is to raise awareness for Red Cross’ work and hopefully get some donations in the process. “It’s part of our largest fundraising event of the year,” she says.

But, over the past five years, the amount the street appeal brings in has been trending down. Edwards describes a combination of contributing factors: COVID, the ongoing cost-of-living crisis and a lack of cash. “We’ve seen a pretty steady decline in people carrying cash, and that’s had a big impact on our street appeals,” she says. “It’s really affected what we’re able to raise.” That, in turn, affects how much aid work the Red Cross can do.

Edwards and the teams she co-ordinates have pivoted to other fundraising methods. They’ve trialled EFTPOS, tap-and-go donation machines and even QR codes. Each has downsides, says Edwards. EFTPOS isn’t quick, and QR codes often rely on the person taking a photo and remembering to donate later. “The tap-and-go machines are quicker because you just pop your card on, but they’re quite costly. You could never afford to have one of those at every site.”

So far, the cashless options haven’t worked as well as people reaching into their pockets and grabbing a couple of notes or a handful of coins to throw into the Red Cross buckets. However, those days, it seems, are over. In 2023, Stats NZ reported just 7% of transactions were made in cash. Everyone is using alternative methods to pay for goods and services these days, from EFTPOS and apps like Afterpay to swiping their phones and watches loaded with their credit cards.

Edwards wonders how long Red Cross has got until it needs to make more changes to its street appeals. “Our volunteers have amazing conversations with people on the street,” she says. “It’s a real moment of human connection. You can’t quite replicate that with online donations.”

Cash is king – until it’s not
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Cash use is declining – rapidly. In its 2023 Cash Use Survey, the Reserve Bank of New Zealand found cash usage for everyday purchases had decreased from 95.8% in 2019 to 60.4% in 2021 and just 57.2% in 2023. The bank says 15% of New Zealanders prefer to use cash for everyday payments, but only 8% are regular or daily cash users.

Despite this decline, cash remains important, according to the Reserve Bank: it all depends on the situation. “Research establishes that New Zealanders place a high value on having access to cash,” a spokesperson told Consumer NZ. They cited short-lived personal emergencies, long-term complex personal challenges, community-level emergencies and digital payment outages as reasons for cash’s importance.

In December 2024, the Australian government announced it would mandate businesses selling essential goods and services in that country to accept cash from 2026. “For many Australians, cash is more than a payment method, it’s a lifeline,” officials said. Australians support this, with a survey by Australia’s consumer watchdog Choice showing 97% of respondents think stores shouldn’t be able to turn down cash for essentials.

But that’s not the case in New Zealand, where there are no rules to protect cash. If a business doesn’t want to accept cash, it just has to put up a sign saying so. The only rules limit how much a consumer can pay in coins. “The Reserve Bank is currently considering further changes to the law to support the cash system and ensure New Zealanders can access and use cash as desired,” the Reserve Bank spokesperson said.

How cash can help you spend less
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Tom Hartmann, the personal finance lead at New Zealand’s independent money guide Sorted, says cash can be used as an important tool for some people to make better budgetary choices. He says credit cards or apps like Afterpay removes a buffer and encourage consumers to spend more. “You go up to the till; you get what you want; you pay, wave, swipe, whatever you do ...,” he says. “It’s all pleasure because you’re getting the thing, and any pain is sort of reserved for the future, when you get the bill.”

Cash, he says, helps those who may be struggling with their budgets get their spending under control. “With cash, it’s a different experience. You’re holding cash in one hand, and you receive the goods in the other. So, your brain is processing the trade-off right in that moment – is this worth the pain of letting go of this cash for what I’m getting?”

Carrying cash, he admits, is becoming an antiquated notion. It depends on your personality. When he’s got cash, he’s more likely to spend it faster. But Hartmann recalls a conversation he recently had with his 17-year-old son, who has an entirely different attitude. “He sold something on Trade Me recently, and he wanted to be paid in cash, because he holds on to [cash] better,” Hartmann says.

How small businesses are coping
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Every Sunday, Carol Gunn opens the Grey Lynn community centre early to let in stall-holders. By 8am, the markets are humming with customers grabbing freshly-baked pastries, recently picked vegetables, hot drinks, cheese, eggs and more. Gunn has noticed more stall-holders offering EFTPOS and credit card facilities, and fewer customers taking cash.

But she also recognises the issues, saying operating EFTPOS machines can be pricey for stall-holders, especially when they’re just getting going. “At this time of the year, we get lots of NCEA students trying out business ideas as part of their course assessments – they can only use cash,” she says. “We get community fundraisers who can only use cash. Getting rid of cash could disenfranchise the grass-roots activities in society.”

Frank Argent, the owner of Barefoot Gardens, a small produce farm in Kumeu, Auckland, agreed. While bagging up my potatoes and chillis recently, he told me about 40% of his customers paid in cash, which he encouraged. Why? “Every time you swipe your card, the bank takes a sizable chunk,” he said. “For a small business like ours, it adds up to a reasonable amount over a week.”

Other factors to consider in the death of cash
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There are still many elderly people who cannot use, or forget how to use, tech. Cash, therefore, remains very important to them for everyday items like groceries. “A cashless society makes things very difficult for older [generations],” one financial advisor told me.

Natural disasters or emergencies can affect internet networks, shutting down EFTPOS and credit capabilities. “Cash is often the only option at that time,” an advisor said. “Everyone should have a small amount of cash put aside.” How much is a personal decision, but the National Emergency Management Agency suggests it’s logical to have enough for three days’ worth of food and petrol. It also says small denominations, like $5 notes, are useful because some businesses may not be able to offer change.

Putting coins into a piggy bank is often a child’s first interaction with money. An advisor said the process can teach children important financial basics about saving money from an early age.

The king is dead; long live the king!
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Claire Matthews, an associate professor at Massey University’s business school, says it’s too soon to say we’re on the brink of becoming a cashless society. “We have already moved a long way towards it, but I think cash transactions will be difficult to eliminate,” she says. “I think probably most of us are ready to move to a cashless society. But there are a few who aren’t and will likely find it very hard.”

But my own experiences suggest the shift could be happening faster than anyone thinks. While researching this piece, I found a sign at my local Pak’nSave declaring the store’s self-service check-outs would soon stop accepting cash. “Cashless,” warned a printed sign in red.

Then, at a recent Auckland Football Club match, I approached a cashier while balancing drinks and hot chips. When I handed her a $50 note, she turned it away, saying, presciently, “We don’t accept cash here”. I smiled and waved my phone over the terminal. That $50 will have to wait for another day.
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