Monday's Funny: 😄🍞One for the boys🍞😄
A Navy Master Chief's wife sends a text to the Master Chief saying, “Honey, don't forget to buy some bread when you come home from work and your girlfriend Valerie says hi.”
The Master Chief texted back, "Who's Valerie?!"
The wife answered, "Nobody, I just wanted you to answer and to have confirmation that you saw my text."
The Master Chief replied, "Oh ok, because I’m with Valerie right now, I thought you saw me!"
The wife, who is taken aback, texted, "What??! Where are you?!"
The Master Chief responded, "Near the grocery store."
The wife then texted, "Wait, I’m coming right now!"
About 10 minutes later, the Master Chief's wife sends a message stating, "I’m at the store, where are you?!"
The Master Chief replied, "I’m at work. Now that you’re at the store, don't forget to buy the bread!"
🤣😂🤣😂
Scam Alert: Bank cold calls
ASB is warning customers about reports of cold calls from scammers claiming to be from ASB. These scammers are trying to obtain personal information, including usernames, dates of birth, and verification codes sent to your mobile phone.
🛡️ The "Caller Check" Test
If you get a call from someone claiming to be from ASB and you’re unsure, just ask them for a Caller Check. You will then be able to verify the call through the app.
Remember, banks will:
❌ Never ask for your banking passwords, PINs, or verification codes
❌ Never need to know your full credit card number – especially the CVC
❌ Never ask you to download software or remotely access your device
❌ Never ask you to purchase gift cards or transfer funds.
If you have received a phone call and think your account has been compromised, call ASB on 0800 ASB FRAUD (0800 272 372), or visit your local branch.
Notice of intention to control targeted weeds
Weather permitting spot spraying will be carried out in the following areas during March 2026.
Albert-Eden,
Puketapapa & Whau
Local Boards,
Auckland Domain,
Manukau Memorial Gardens,
North Shore
Memorial Park,
Waikumete Cemetery.
Herbicide applications will be carried out in reserves, cycleways, street gardens, street kerb and channels and berms/boundary edges. No spraying will be undertaken in agreed no-spray zones, during this period.
Auckland Council operates from a Code of Practice that governs all spray operations. Spraying will be undertaken by Programmed Facility Management.
For more information please phone Auckland Council on 09 301 0101.
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