A Couples Guide to Handling Holiday Conflict
Holiday stress can make this time of year challenging for couples and families. Dr. John Gottman’s research on thousands of couples reveals some useful tools to handle conflict and keep your holidays happy.
Accept Your Partner’s Influence
Accepting your partner’s influence will help to avoid escalating conflict. Dr. Gottman has learned that women tend to be better at accepting influence than men, but men who learn how to listen to and respond to their partner’s influence stand to benefit with a happier and longer-lasting marriage than those who don’t.
There’s good reason for men to listen. Results of an American Psychological Association survey show women are more likely than men to report increased stress during the holiday season. Sources of stress include lack of time, lack of money, and pressure to give or receive gifts. The results of increased stress can make a woman feel sick and tired, and lose interest in sex.
A couple who listens to each other, and takes into account each other’s wishes and feelings when making decisions, will have much happier holidays. Look for the parts of your partner’s point of view that make sense to you, even if you disagree. Consider each option from their perspective and validate their emotions.
Solve Your Solvable Problems
The choices couples face around the holidays can create situational problems that are solvable. Children may insist on gifts that aren’t affordable. An invitation to an event may conflict with other plans.
Dr. Gottman has identified a five-step model for solving these solvable problems. The skills needed can be learned with very little training.
Most of us have these skills already:
Soften your start-up
Learn to make and receive repair attempts
Soothe yourself and each other
Compromise
Process any grievances so that they don’t linger
Poll: If we want to reduce speeding, what do you think actually changes driver behaviour? 🛻🚨🚓
In the Post's article on speeding penalties, the question is asked whether speeding fines are truly about road safety, or are they just a way to boost revenue for the Crown?
What do you think? Should speeding motorists receive speeding fines or demerit points?
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37% The sting of a fine (Money talks!)
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63% The threat of demerit points (Nobody wants to lose their license!)
💨 Wellington: Is the real summer finally here?
It’s the talk of the town (and every coffee queue): the Wellington "summer" has felt more like a very long, very damp spring! 🌧️ We’ve definitely had our fair share of grey skies and raincoats lately.
In fact, The Post reports that our "pretty average" summer has been tough on the local venues and events that usually thrive under the sun. But don't pack away the sunscreen just yet!
The good news? The next couple of weeks are looking a bit more "settled" (the Wellington word for "not a gale-force downpour"). With autumn officially here, now is the time to squeeze every last drop out of the season! ☀️
Any local hidden spots or activities you’d recommend for a calm Wellington day? Drop them in the comments! 👇
🎉 Riddle me this, legends! 🎉
He/She who makes it, sells it.
He/She who buys it, doesn't use it.
The user doesn't know they are using it.
What is it?
(Shezz from Ngāruawāhia kindly provided this head-scratcher ... thanks, Shezz!)
Do you think you know the answer? Simply 'Like' this post if you know the answer and the big reveal will be posted in the comments at 2pm on the day!
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