Our need for security is a core human need
Our need for security is a core human need. However, when we prioritize security at the *expense* of love and connection...our lives, our relationships increasingly revolve around what I call the "S-Cubed State": struggle, suffering, and sacrifice. It never ends well.
The good news is you can get your need for security, predictability, and familiarity MET...without sacrificing love and connection! The first step is to *notice* where you're putting security ABOVE connection - e.g. we will sometimes avoid encounters with new people or even people that we love because we want to avoid the potential discomfort of judgment, conflict, or rejection.
But if we organize our lives this way, they get *smaller* and more contracted. At best, this is a temporary coping mechanism if we are burnt out from, say, a long-standing family conflict. However, like all coping mechanisms, avoiding connection in order to feel secure can only provide temporary relief.
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