The art of intimate conversation
The goal of an intimate conversation is to understand, not to problem solve.
Premature problem solving tends to make people shut down.
Here are the three skills I teach in my couple sessions, for having an intimate conversation.
Put your feelings into words
This skill was called “focusing” by master clinician Eugene Gendlin. Gendlin said that when we can find the right images, phrases, metaphors, and words to fit our feelings, there is a kind of “resolution” one feels in one’s body.
Ask open-ended questions
This is done by either asking questions like, “What is your disaster scenario here?” or making specific statements that explore feelings like, “Tell me the story of that."
Express empathy
In an intimate conversation, the first two skills help you explore your partner's thoughts, feelings, and needs. Empathy is shown by communicating that these thoughts, feelings, and needs make sense to you, even if you disagree.
Action for the week: Initiate an intimate conversation with your partner.
What's your favourite recipe for courgettes?
Kia ora neighbours. If you've got a family recipe for courgettes, we'd love to see it and maybe publish it in our magazine. Send your recipe to mailbox@nzgardener.co.nz, and if we use it in the mag, you will receive a free copy of our January 2025 issue.
Poll: Do you think NZ should ban social media for youth?
The Australian Prime Minister has expressed plans to ban social media use for children.
This would make it illegal for under 16-year-olds to have accounts on platforms including TikTok, Instagram, Facebook and X.
Social media platforms would be tasked with ensuring children have no access (under-age children and their parents wouldn’t be penalised for breaching the age limit)
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Do you think NZ should follow suit? Vote in our poll and share your thoughts below.
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85.2% Yes
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13.8% No
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1.1% Other - I'll share below
scumbags
There are some really awful people around at the moment. This is what happened on Sunday.
We live in Hinemoa Street opposite the Waiwhetu Stream. At around 3.40 in the afternoon I was looking out my window and saw a car pull up and start to feed the geese and ducks out the window. Then The passenger an asian man jumped out and threw himself onto a goose. he picked it up and put it the boot of the car.
I immediately ran over and stood in front of his car to stop him moving I also called my husband to help. A lovely man was riding his bike and saw it and stopped to help me. The driver tried to drive into me but I didnt move. He tried telling us it was his pet. These are wild geese.
They had a cage in the boot and some wire all ready to catch the poor bird like they have done it before. My husband took the bird from the car and released it. I then moved out of the way and after lots of abuse from the driver they drove off threatening to come back and get more.
No one should be allowed to take these beautiful birds and certainly not like this. they are all starting to have wee babies at the moment the whole thing was so upsetting to me. Another neighbour further down the road also saw it all happen.
Please keep a look out for this car and if you see them by the stream go over and watch them lets all stop this happening.
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