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A man walks into a bar and asks the bartender, "If I show you a really good trick, will you give me a free drink?"
The bartender considers it, then agrees.
The man reaches into his pocket and pulls out a tiny rat.
He reaches into his other pocket and pulls out a tiny piano.
The rat … View moreA man walks into a bar and asks the bartender, "If I show you a really good trick, will you give me a free drink?"
The bartender considers it, then agrees.
The man reaches into his pocket and pulls out a tiny rat.
He reaches into his other pocket and pulls out a tiny piano.
The rat stretches, cracks his knuckles, and proceeds to play the blues.
After the man finished his drink, he asked the bartender, "If I show you an even better trick, will you give me free drinks for the rest of the night, the bartender thinks that nothing could possibly top the first trick so he agrees.
The man reaches into another pocket and pulls out a small bullfrog, who begins to sing along with the rat's music.
While the man is enjoying his beverages, a stranger confronts him and offers him $100,000.00 for the bullfrog.
"Sorry," the man replies, "he's not for sale."
The stranger increases the offer to $250,000.00 cash up front.
"No," he insists, "he's not for sale."
The stranger again increases the offer, this time to $500,000.00 cash.
The man finally agrees, and turns the frog over to the stranger in exchange for the money.
"Are you insane?" the bartender demanded.
"That frog could have been worth millions to you, and you let him go for a mere $500,000!"
"Don't worry about it." the man answered. "The frog was really nothing special. You see, the rat's a ventriloquist."
An elderly lady was stopped and about to pull into a parking space when a young man in his new red Mercedes went around her and parked in the space she was waiting for.
The little old lady was so upset that she went up to the man and said, "I was going to park there!"
The man said, … View moreAn elderly lady was stopped and about to pull into a parking space when a young man in his new red Mercedes went around her and parked in the space she was waiting for.
The little old lady was so upset that she went up to the man and said, "I was going to park there!"
The man said, "That's what you can do when you're young and quick.”
This really upset the lady even more, so she got in her car and backed it up and then she stomped on the gas and plowed right into his Mercedes.
The young man ran back to his car and asked, "What did you do that for?"
The little old lady smiled and told him, "That's what you can do when you're old and rich!"
"How come you're late?" asks the bartender as the blonde waitress walks in the door.
"It was awful," she explains. "I was walking down Elm street and there was this terrible accident. A man was lying in the middle of the street.
He was thrown from his car. His leg was… View more"How come you're late?" asks the bartender as the blonde waitress walks in the door.
"It was awful," she explains. "I was walking down Elm street and there was this terrible accident. A man was lying in the middle of the street.
He was thrown from his car. His leg was broken, his skull was fractured, and there was blood everywhere.
Thank goodness I took that first aid course, all my training came back to me in a flash."
"What did you do?" asks the bartender.
"I sat down and put my head between my knees to keep from fainting!"
Follow the sun to Rotorua - home of whānau fun, interesting places and friendly faces. We have everything you need for the school holidays right here.
Find your next adventure with us.
After years of searching for a new recruit for their business, Auckland engineering firm Stainless Machinings turned to Competenz’s free job matching service to find them an ideal candidate. In the space of a few short months, school leaver Stuart Martin joined the company.
“We’d been … View moreAfter years of searching for a new recruit for their business, Auckland engineering firm Stainless Machinings turned to Competenz’s free job matching service to find them an ideal candidate. In the space of a few short months, school leaver Stuart Martin joined the company.
“We’d been trying to recruit a young person for a couple of years, says Stainless Machinings owner Brian Lawry. “Competenz provided us with an excellent service and took all the hard work out of finding someone."
Read the full story here
Kia kaha Aucklanders - we can do it, maybe not for this long but we can do it 😁
Auckland will move to Covid-19 Alert Level 3 at 11.59pm tomorrow, with the rest of the country remaining at Alert Level 2.
Prime Minister Jacinda Ardern and the Director-General of Health Dr Ashley Bloomfield announced the changes at a post-cabinet press conference on Monday afternoon.
… View moreAuckland will move to Covid-19 Alert Level 3 at 11.59pm tomorrow, with the rest of the country remaining at Alert Level 2.
Prime Minister Jacinda Ardern and the Director-General of Health Dr Ashley Bloomfield announced the changes at a post-cabinet press conference on Monday afternoon.
Here's what you need to know:
- A refresh on Level 3 restrictions and what it means for you.
- Auckland will remain at Level 3 for at least two weeks.
- There have been 22 confirmed cases of Covid-19 reported by the Ministry of Health since 9.00am yesterday. 19 in Auckland, three in Whakatīwai, Waikato.
- If you have any flu-like symptoms, call the NZ Covid-19 Healthline on 0800 358 5453 or ring your GP.
- Find your closest Covid-19 testing location on the Healthpoint website.
For more information, visit covid19.govt.nz.
6ft sq light blue out of the ground & on the side of the driveway.Ideal fixup,fishpond Dog bath etc...ph Gary 8325580
We're very excited to announce Climate Insights as our new Neighbourly partner.
Climate insights is looking forward to supporting the Neighbourly community, helping kiwis protect their homes against climate change and live better within their communities. Climate Insights use science-based… View moreWe're very excited to announce Climate Insights as our new Neighbourly partner.
Climate insights is looking forward to supporting the Neighbourly community, helping kiwis protect their homes against climate change and live better within their communities. Climate Insights use science-based information to provide tools and guidance as we strive to become more sustainable and resilient.
Please join us in welcoming Climate Insights and stay tuned for localised climate information, tools and much more!
I have been running some of my Xmas lights the last few weeks to help brighten people lives each nite and will continue to do so until we get down a level or two.
This morning when I went out to check the letterbox there was a lovely thank you note from a young lady by the name of Savannah. (see … View moreI have been running some of my Xmas lights the last few weeks to help brighten people lives each nite and will continue to do so until we get down a level or two.
This morning when I went out to check the letterbox there was a lovely thank you note from a young lady by the name of Savannah. (see attached photo).
To Savannah its great that you enjoy the lights and you are welcome to watch them each nite.
Murray
Look no further! Join Sam Mannering on Thursday the 23rd of September and cook your dinner along with him.
What’s on the menu? Sam is going to teach you how to make curry from scratch, and for dessert, a tarte tatin.
Get in quick because seats are limited!
Urgh - another week of lockdown. Another week of no coffee, missing takeaways, and shaggy hair. Please consider helping a small business by buying a voucher for that thing you miss the most - they get the cash now, when they need it, and you can look forward to using your voucher when we can. … View moreUrgh - another week of lockdown. Another week of no coffee, missing takeaways, and shaggy hair. Please consider helping a small business by buying a voucher for that thing you miss the most - they get the cash now, when they need it, and you can look forward to using your voucher when we can. Win/win.
When a group of tourists visited a crocodile farm, the owner of the place launched a daring proposal, "Whoever dares to jump, swim to shore and survive, I will give $1 million dollars."
Nobody dared to move, suddenly a man jumped into the water and desperately swam towards the shore … View moreWhen a group of tourists visited a crocodile farm, the owner of the place launched a daring proposal, "Whoever dares to jump, swim to shore and survive, I will give $1 million dollars."
Nobody dared to move, suddenly a man jumped into the water and desperately swam towards the shore while he was chased by all the crocodiles.
With great luck he arrived, taking the admiration of everyone in the place, then the owner announced; "We have a brave winner."
After collecting their reward, the couple returned to the hotel.
Upon arrival, the manager told him that he was very brave to jump, then the man said, "I didn't jump, someone pushed me!"
His wife smiled ...
Moral: "Behind every successful man, there is a woman who pushes him."
2 metres square, light blue out of ground & on the side of the driveway.Good for fixing,fishpond,dog bath etc.....ph Gary 8325580
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