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This is a story about a couple who had been happily married for years, the only friction in their marriage was the husband’s habit of farting loudly every morning when he awoke, the noise would wake his wife and the smell would make her eyes water and make her gasp for air.
Every morning she … View moreThis is a story about a couple who had been happily married for years, the only friction in their marriage was the husband’s habit of farting loudly every morning when he awoke, the noise would wake his wife and the smell would make her eyes water and make her gasp for air.
Every morning she would plead with him to stop ripping them off because it was making her sick.
He told her he couldn't stop it and that it was perfectly natural.
She told him to see a doctor; she was concerned that one day he would blow his guts out.
The years went by and he continued to rip them out.
Then one Christmas day morning, as she was preparing the turkey for dinner and he was upstairs sound asleep, she looked at the innards, neck, gizzard, liver and all the spare parts, and a malicious thought came to her.
She took the bowl and went upstairs where her husband was sound asleep and, gently pulling the bed covers back, she pulled back the elastic waistband of his underpants and emptied the bowl of turkey guts into his shorts.
Sometime later she heard her husband waken with his usual trumpeting which was followed by a blood curdling scream and the sound of frantic footsteps as he ran into the bath room.
The wife could hardly control herself as she rolled on the floor laughing, tears in her eyes! After years of torture she reckoned she had got him back pretty good.
About twenty minutes later, her husband came downstairs in his blood stained underpants with a look of horror on his face.
She bit her lip as she asked him what the matter was.
He said, “Honey you were right, all these years you have warned me and I didn't listen to you.
“What do you mean?” asked his wife.
“Well, you always told me that one day I would end up farting my guts out, and today it finally happened, but by the grace of god, some Vaseline and two fingers. I think I got most of them back in…..”
😄🤣😄🤣😄
Hi Neighbour,
How does a new set of digital tech products sound?
Digital Boost is giving you the chance to win a $4,000 prize pack with loads of new goodies to make your office look really flash!
Running a small business means you need the right digital tools to work efficiently and … View moreHi Neighbour,
How does a new set of digital tech products sound?
Digital Boost is giving you the chance to win a $4,000 prize pack with loads of new goodies to make your office look really flash!
Running a small business means you need the right digital tools to work efficiently and productively, so make sure you enter our draw to be in with a chance to win an amazing prize pack of brand new tech goodies.
Our latest prize package includes a 13in Apple Macbook Pro, a 24in Samsung Curved monitor, an ergonomic stand-up desk, and a free Xero subscription for one year (T&Cs apply).
All you have to do for a chance to win is simply sign up at Digital Boost and start learning to go into the draw.
If you’ve got a mate, colleague or whānau member who could do with some new gear, let them know too and you'll be in with even more chances to win. Enter today!
The team at Digital Boost
While some Kiwis are enjoying home grown vegies, many are going without vegetables altogether.
This National Gardening Week we’re encouraging gardeners to grow-an-extra-row to share with neighbours, community pantries, food banks and other local food donation agencies.
To help get your … View moreWhile some Kiwis are enjoying home grown vegies, many are going without vegetables altogether.
This National Gardening Week we’re encouraging gardeners to grow-an-extra-row to share with neighbours, community pantries, food banks and other local food donation agencies.
To help get your extra row underway Yates is lending a helping hand.
Just register online HERE between 1st and 25th October to receive a FREE packet of Yates Vegie Seeds.
Once you’ve grown your vegies to share (or if you have spare now) please visit HERE to find a list of the organisations that would welcome your donation of fresh homegrown vegies.
With growing vaccination rates and talk around our borders opening next year, we’d love to hear your thoughts on travel. If quarantine free travel was available for vaccinated travellers in both directions to your preferred destination – how long would it be before you’d be ready to spread … View moreWith growing vaccination rates and talk around our borders opening next year, we’d love to hear your thoughts on travel. If quarantine free travel was available for vaccinated travellers in both directions to your preferred destination – how long would it be before you’d be ready to spread your wings and where would you love to go? Or would you prefer to stay local and continue exploring the many gems our own beautiful backyard offers?
Your feedback will help us ensure we continue to deliver on our promise to you, of better holidays together.
The online survey will take around 3 minutes to complete and you’ll be in the draw to win 1 of 3 House of Travel Gift cards worth $500. (T&C’s apply*). Follow this link
Here at Neighbourhood Support we know first hand that communities that stay connected and prepared fare better in emergencies and natural disasters than those without a plan.
For the month of October, we want to see how you tackle emergency preparedness. From getting first aid training and … View moreHere at Neighbourhood Support we know first hand that communities that stay connected and prepared fare better in emergencies and natural disasters than those without a plan.
For the month of October, we want to see how you tackle emergency preparedness. From getting first aid training and stocking up on essentials to putting together a grab n’ go bag or working with your neighbours to create a neighbourhood resillience plan, a little bit of planning goes a long way to make sure you and your community can get through any situation. Joining or setting up a Neighbourhood Support group is a great way to keep in touch and work together to reach out, look out and help out one another no matter what life may bring.
Don’t forget! This month also coincides with New Zealand’s national earthquake drill and tsunami hikoi, ShakeOut, which will be taking place on Thursday, October 28th at 9:30am.
Let us know how you’re getting prepared this month by tagging us in your social media posts or emailing us your photos, videos, or experiences to: info@neighbourhoodsupport.co.nz
Creating a mood board or pinboard using Resene FX Blackboard Paint to keep household notes tidy is easy with this inspiring project.
Find out how to create your own.
Our homes can be our greatest investment and protecting our homes against climate change has become more important than ever.
Our changing climate poses risks to our natural and built environments. Swiss Re in a global analysis of insurance risk said to “expect climate risks to raise global … View moreOur homes can be our greatest investment and protecting our homes against climate change has become more important than ever.
Our changing climate poses risks to our natural and built environments. Swiss Re in a global analysis of insurance risk said to “expect climate risks to raise global property premiums by 33-41% between 2020 and 2040”. The potential increase was deemed a direct consequence of our changing climate.
Our Climate Insights property report provides easily understood information on change to risks for your current or a future property. The report includes robust and actionable information for residential property owners, tenants and investors to enhance their property’s climate resilience.
Our new Office for Seniors website is now live!
The website is a great resource for older New Zealanders to find helpful information. It’s been designed with our older audience in mind so it’s easy to navigate.
It also outlines the role of the Office for Seniors.
Visit … View moreOur new Office for Seniors website is now live!
The website is a great resource for older New Zealanders to find helpful information. It’s been designed with our older audience in mind so it’s easy to navigate.
It also outlines the role of the Office for Seniors.
Visit officeforseniors.govt.nz
Not sure where to start, but here goes …
The pressure for all of us, well not all of us but a vast majority of us, to get vaccinated for not only our own benefit, health and wellbeing, but also for good of the whole nation and mankind (so to speak), has been all over every single news outlet, … View moreNot sure where to start, but here goes …
The pressure for all of us, well not all of us but a vast majority of us, to get vaccinated for not only our own benefit, health and wellbeing, but also for good of the whole nation and mankind (so to speak), has been all over every single news outlet, social media platforms, online services etc …
It began with a trickle for us to trot down to the vaccination place to get our first vaccination.
Some have even had their second dose of the vaccination – well done.
Now, slowly but surely the speed has ramped up. The numbers have increased for those who have now entered the ‘vaccinated club’, again well done.
There will be those who refuse to get vaccinated for whatever reason, whether it is personal or medical. I do struggle understanding with the personal reasons but will respect their choice.
The public push to get the percentages up to get vaccinated is almost at full speed, and it’s been ‘interesting’ for lack of a better word right now, to watch this.
Those of us who have joined the vaccinated club, did so not only out of duty for our fellow mankind, but more importantly, to try and keep ourselves alive during this nightmare pandemic.
What I’m struggling with now regarding the push to get vaccinated, is the hand holding, the enticements, the bribes and the rewards the soon to be freshly vaccinated people are now being offered e.g. a car, a holiday, extra money in the pay packet, food etc …
Will all of those people who have already been vaccinated be getting any rewards that are currently on offer, to congratulate us for being responsible adults and stepping up early to get vaccinated?
Will we heck!
So why are they bribing people to get vaccinated now?
Has it shown to be an effective way of getting those bodies through the door?
Or has it merely shown people's greed?
When they start talking about vaccinating people in the fast food drive through, you know it’s becoming desperate.
We need to find a way that works for the whole of New Zealand, each and everyone of us. We can’t fix the world, but we sure as heck can start to fix ourselves here in New Zealand and prepare our loved ones around us to do the same.
I wish I knew the right answer on this or how to motivate people to get in with the rest of us in the vaccinated club, believe me, I’ve sat here for ages trying to think of a solution that would appease both sides, but I can’t.
All I know is that there will be people who will point the finger at the Government, at the Department of Health, at overseas stats, at the delay in getting the vaccine; HOWEVER none of those niggles that those people always throw out there have anything to do with this.
Do we really need to be enticed, bribed or even rewarded for doing something that will keep each of us alive in the long run?
Hi neighbours,
Sir John Key’s recent media blitz was full of suggestions for how the Covid-19 response could have been done better. Some have been found to be false (such as his claim we could have paid Pfizer for preferential supply), and some seem to have lit a fire under the Government to … View moreHi neighbours,
Sir John Key’s recent media blitz was full of suggestions for how the Covid-19 response could have been done better. Some have been found to be false (such as his claim we could have paid Pfizer for preferential supply), and some seem to have lit a fire under the Government to get things moving (such as the suggestion of home quarantining).
How do you feel about Key’s contribution?
Hey Auckland
We are back with some more awesome apprenticeship opportunities for you, Check them out!
Sheet metal fabrication
Refrigeration and air conditioning
Dear neighbours and gardeners,
Here's another great project from our DIY guru Jacob Leaf.
Does anybody know what a 'deep clean' entails in a shop, hospital or anywhere. We hear about it often but have not been told exactly what it is. One 'deep clean' is not always anothers 'deep clean'.
This is an ultimate comfort meal and an easy recipe to prepare at home. It is a rich and creamy mushroom risotto recipe is made with the specialist Italian short-grain rice, parmesan cheese, white wine, and mushrooms.
View the recipe in the link below.
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